dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
