ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
