I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
