one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
