She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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