you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
