If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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