I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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