i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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