remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
