Buhtt sex?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
