I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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