I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
