If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
