wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
