I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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