I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
