she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize