"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
