New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
