Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
