I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
