just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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