were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
