why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
