my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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