i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
