At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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