there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
