It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
