She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
