I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
