No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
