I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
