So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
