but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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