She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
