Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
