Duck Duck Cougar?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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