you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
