I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
