I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
