I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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