love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
