uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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