I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found your dick twin last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
