I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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