I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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