I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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