Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
