Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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