im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
im six kinds of drunk right now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
