well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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