Barsexuality is the new black.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
