..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
