Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
