Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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