Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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