You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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