if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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