I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize