drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize