You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
