even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
