how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
