He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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