I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
