I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
