last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
