We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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