The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
