My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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