drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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