You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
