i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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