Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
