the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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