im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
