i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I believe in your delicious
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
