Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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