Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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