I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
