Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
