were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
