Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
