peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
