those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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