Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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