i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize