IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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