you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
