i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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