I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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