Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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