I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize