I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
