good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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