I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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