Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
