explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
