We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
