I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
