I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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