Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize