dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
