i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
