I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize