I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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