In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
