all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
