I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
