margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
