even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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