he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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