bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize