He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i've created a new STD.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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