A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize